Cliff has always been Cliff.
Part of what I’ve come to call a “cliffonian” attitude includes an unapologetic (and insatiable) curiosity about life, new experiences, new becomings, new explorations. This has been true in all aspects of his life: Business, friendships, homes, new neighborhoods, new cities, new skills, new experiential adventures, new means of transportation, new foods, new travel destinations, new coffees, new people, new ideas, new technologies, new philosophies, new positive habits, new ways of having fun and enjoying life!
I wouldn’t say that Cliff loves “change” as much as he loves expansion. There is a huge difference between both words, in that change could (or could not) also imply a “leaving behind” of anything not new anymore. And I wouldn’t say that is true for him. He simply loves to INCLUDE MORE of life into what he already has experienced.
His guiding tool in the “choosing of new experiences” has always been his heart. His big, beautiful, kind, loving, non-judgmental heart.
Cliff is not a man of many words. He doesn’t overthink his heart/intuition. And I’ve learned not to question it either. His intuition has brought forth some of the most amazing moments and experiences in my life.
Moving to the Pajama Factory in Williamsport, PA has simply taken this life-long way of life to a new level of possibilities. We live in a place where we have access to incredibly talented people, who are willing to share their skills and talents with anyone willing to learn. In other words, this has been Cliff’s perfect playground for self-expression.
However, the one aspect that has made his cliffonian attitude not so noticeable before, is the fact that those who know him from a certain distance, could only notice this in the things we/he was DOING. Otherwise most people would have no idea he was in the midst of some new expansion.
That is until now.
No matter who we meet (friends, colleagues, family members). Folks have noticed and been surprised by his new long-ish hair, which (paired to his new motorcycle, having finally a drummer to play music with, and having participated in a runway show as a model – of all things) seems to indicate that somehow he is changing or has changed since moving to the Factory.
Nothing could be further from the truth. To me this is just normal. This is Cliff being very much Cliff.
However, since he recently started journaling every morning as another way of expression, and this blog is the “expression experiment”, I asked him if he could write about this topic.
And so he did.
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The timing (serendipity) of Vee asking me to write about IDENTITY and Angela’s recommended reading of an article by Mark Manson about “The Future of Self” is notable. This article ends up asking the same existential question about identity, basically, “what’s the point?”, or “why express your identity?”, which actually could be expressed as “WHY BE?!”.
I’ve never really felt that I know fully who or what I am “exactly” the way that it sometimes seems to me that other people do. When I look out into the world, and I see people so clearly expressing themselves as a particular kind of person, and narrowly so, it provokes mixed feelings in me.
On the one hand, I envy and admire what appears to be a person’s clarity in knowing who/what they are and their confidence in projecting that particular character into the world with such a conviction and not giving a sh*t what anyone else thinks about it. On the other hand, it feels so damn stifling to me that anyone would so willingly, so narrowly put out to the world a single version of themselves, because inside me, I feel soooo many versions of myself, that I’d feel choked off if I had to choose and stick to just ONE, at the effective exclusion of all the others. And perhaps that’s one of the root concepts here about expressing my identity in different ways, and not being afraid to do so.
- (By the way, this is no judgement on anyone who has found a specific expression that beautifully fulfills their life. I’m strictly talking about how the idea of having only ONE single expression feels, when applied to me).
For me the expression of identity is
an outward probe into a new experience in an effort to see how well (or not) that version of myself fits and what kind of life experience it inspires, and ultimately how that makes me feel.
it’s NOT about me putting out to the world, “look at me, this is who I am!”, it’s so much more like,
this seems interesting, I wonder what it FEELS like.
And I think it comes back to me not feeling like I have any ONE TRUE finite identity or self, but rather that I’m interested in
continuing to expand my range of life experiences in the hopes of finding new fun, feel-good ways to be, and points of view from within to observe and partake in this living experience.
I enjoy variety, as it provides me with a feeling of newness, revelation, exploration, satisfaction and so I think that expressing my true self, my “identity” in constantly expanding and different ways just helps keep things very interesting and keeps away the stifling walls of expectations and perceptions that I could allow to conform me, clip my wings, and detract from the prism of rich life experiences I’m interested in having.
I think that the more important way to describe my identity then the way I “physically present myself” to the world, or what I choose to do with my life, or what things in the world I associate myself with, is this:
How does my expression make me feel at that moment, and if that feeling satisfies me, then I’ll pull on that thread some more until it doesn’t satisfy me anymore, and then I’ll create and pull on another thread while it satisfies me, and so on.
Explained that way, it’s NOT about my trying to identify with or as anyone or anything, but much more simply, expressing myself is a way for me to find out what different life experiences feel like so that I can either pursue more of those kinds of life experiences, or pursue others. It’s NOT about “who I am”, it’s much more about “do I want any more of this?”.
It’s about stasis versus change. It’s about running in place versus running trails. It’s about salt versus spice rack. It’s about being true and loyal to something OUTSIDE of you versus
being non-judgmental, loving and nurturing to EVERYTHING INSIDE of you. It’s about our entire reason for living, which is to experience, to feel, to flow.
And if I was constrained to only be able to express myself as a single note, played with the same timbre and duration and rhythm, it’d be a pretty dull symphony.
Thank you for doing this. I love you,
Cliff
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I love you Cliff.
Yours always,
